Brotherly Blunders
by Leah by Michelangelo
Summary: A collection of one shots surrounding the brothers and their brotherly moments.
1. Chapter 1: Mr Clumsy

**Brotherly Blunders**

**Ch. 1-Mr. Clumsy**

Mikey's brothers were always making fun of him for being clumsy. Well today Michelangelo was happy, because today was payback time. _Hehehehehe…Who knew Raphael could be so clumsy? _This morning when he got up he slipped on a comic on the floor of his room and landed on his butt. _Hahaha, that was hilarious. _Even though Raph got mad at him for leaving his comic there in the first place, that was freaking funny! _Though it kinda sucked that I was the only one to witness it…_Mikey mused.

Later that day the turtles were in the lair, Mikey playing video games while Raph sat on the couch behind him reading a comic. Donnie was working in his lab and Leo was in the dojo meditating. Raph had been a little bit slower than usual in training today, but Mikey assumed it was because his brother was frustrated by all his teasing. He smirked. Time to play his favorite game: Tease the Raphie. "I'm gonna order a pizza. Want one, Mr. Clumsy?"

Raphael growled, but it wasn't his usual deep foreboding growl, it was lighter, almost croaky. "Will ya let it go already? I've had just about all I'm gonna take of your teasing, Mikey." Raph stared dryly over his comic at his little brother.

"Whatever you say, Dr. Trippinstein."

Raph threw the comic down on the couch dramatically and pushed himself up off the couch. Mikey jumped up and took off, seeing that familiar look in his brother's eyes. Raph chased his little brother around the lair, his eyes on fire. Mikey ran back down to the couch and Raphael followed, but his foot missed the step into the sunken television area and he went down face-first. Michelangelo laughed harder than he ever had in his life, until he heard his older brother's groan of pain. Raphael was tough, undoubtedly the toughest of the four of them. He'd sustained more injuries than all three of his brothers combined and most of them he'd endured without so much as a whimper. Raph didn't admit pain easily, he thought it made him look weak. For his red-banded brother to let out a groan of pain he had to be hurting, really hurting.

Raph felt himself falling, he felt his chest hit the floor and briefly knock the wind out of him. He'd had a headache all day, and his throat felt sore, but he hid the fact that he was sick because he didn't want to look weak. The red-banded turtle flipped over onto his carapace, attempting to ignore the throbbing pain in his face and chest. His green eyes stared woefully at the ceiling and he unknowingly let out a pained groan. He shook his head as the room began to spin. "Ugh." Mikey's face appeared standing directly over him, concerned.

"You okay bro?" Mikey asked.

Raph motioned to his brother and lifted up a hand, which Michelangelo took without question and heaved his brother to his feet. The room started to sway again and the emerald green turtle found himself clinging to his younger brother for support.

The youngest turtle frowned as he gently steadied his brother. Raph stumbled and Mikey had to pull him up by the shoulder. Raph's skin felt clammy and cool, yet covered in a thin layer of sweat, prompting the orange-clad turtle to press a hand to older brother's forehead. Raphael was too far gone to notice. _Whoa, he's burning up! _Michelangelo quickly put his brother's arm over his shoulders for support and guided him over to the couch where he lay him down gently. "SENSEI!" The freckle-faced youth vaguely noted the sound of feet running from the dojo and a breaking glass coming from Donatello's lab, but they were ignored as he sat there, never taking his eyes off of Raphael. _He was sick. That's why he was so off his game today. He wasn't feeling well and I was making fun of him! Taunting him even! It's all my fault. If I hadn't made him chase me around the lair, he'd probably still be okay right now. Sure, he'd still be sick, but at least he wouldn't be anything like this! Poor Raphie! I'm sorry bro! _

Leo hear Michelangelo's yell and he shot out into the main room. Normally, Michelangelo yelling was no big deal, especially when Raphael was involved, but something in his tone was different, filled with concern and alarm. He looked around and quickly spotted his youngest brother, who was standing near the couch. The eldest turtle bounded over to his little brother's side. "Mikey what's wrong?" Mikey gestured in front of him with a forward nod. Leo looked down to the couch in front of him. Raph. "What happened?"

"He's sick."

Leo gave Mikey a surprised glance before he placed a hand on his immediate younger brother's forehead. "Yeah, he definitely has a fever. How did you find out?"

"Well, this morning when I went to wake him up I left my comic on the floor and he tripped on it. Like one of those trips when someone slips on a banana peel, ya know? Hilarious. Anyway, I've been teasing him all day and I got on his nerves, ya know. He chased me once around the lair, but when we got back here he does a face-plant right over there by the couch. I was cracking up, bro. Until I realized he hadn't gotten up yet. I went to help him and…well" Mikey gestured to his sick brother on the couch.

Master Splinter, who had heard Michelangelo's confession, chose that moment to come up behind the two turtles making them both jump. "Well, then perhaps that is why he was sluggish in training today." The old rat knelt by his son's side, pressing a four-fingered hand to the sweating green brow. "Hm. Fever and chills. I will take him to his room, he needs to rest. Leonardo, fetch a bowl of cool water and a washcloth. Michelangelo, come with me."

"Sensei?"

"Perhaps you would like to assist me with keeping an eye on your brother?"

Mikey smiled and nodded. "Hai, sensei." Michelangelo sat and kept Raphael company, not that he was really awake or anything, but that didn't stop Mikey. The orange-clad ninja told his brother about how Donnie actually ruined his experiment when he shattered the vial of chemicals he was working with, and he told him about how Leo had been watching space heroes all afternoon, occasionally checking in with Mikey and Raph.

When Raph opened his eyes later that afternoon, or practically night, he found Michelangelo dozing off in a chair beside his bed. He smiled. "Hey Mikey."

Mikey jolted awake and stared at his brother. "Hey Raph, how you feelin' bro?"

"Eh, little better. Thanks for stayin' little brother."

"No problem, bro. It's what best friends do."

The corner of Raph's mouth bent upward into a sleepy, little grin. "Yeah. Thanks-" he yawned, his dulled green eyes getting heavy with sleep, "Mikey."


	2. Chapter 2: Mind if I join you?

**Ch. 2-Mind if I join you?**

Donatello was in the garage working on the Shell Raiser. With all the wear and tear situations the subway car had been through recently it was in desperate need of repair. Dings, scratches and dents covered the entire car. Donnie had promised himself that he would have her back in tip-top shape before dinner, but here he was after everyone else had already eaten. He was quickly growing increasingly frustrated. Every time he tried the engine it misfired the purple-banded turtle had been poking around underneath it for hours and he still hadn't found the problem. There was a loud knock before someone walked quietly inside. Donatello slid out from under the Subway car and looked up. His immediate older brother stood with one hand on his hip, the other holding a pizza box. Donnie stood, using a nearby rag to wipe the grease and sweat off his head as he approached his hot-headed brother. As soon as he was close enough Raph shoved the pizza box into his hands. "We saved those for you."

The younger turtle looked at his older brother. Considering that Raph was the one bringing it in to him, he was probably the one who saved it for him. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it, brainiac." Raph looked at the Shell Raiser, and then back to his younger brother. "Whatcha working on?"

"The stupid thing keeps misfiring. I've been checking it over for hours and I still can't seem to find the problem." Donatello cleared a space by his computer, sat down and started eating his pizza.

Raphael looked at the Shell Raiser, his green eyes filled with concern. "Do you…" his voice faded away and he rubbed the back of neck nervously, shifting from one foot to the other. "Mind if I have a look at it?"

The purple banded turtle was left a little wide eyed by his brother's proposal, but he recovered quickly and narrowed his eyes. _Letting the terrapin of destruction into the Shell Raiser's inner workings? I'd probably ended up with even more broken machinery. Still, I suppose he could do much more damage. _Finally, after much deliberation, Donnie nodded and Raph moved over to the creeper and laid down on it before sliding under the slightly elevated subway car. Donatello had designed it so that the engine spanned the bottom midsection of the car to increase the vehicle's balance and stability.

Raph moved in and took a look. Don had said it was a misfire, so the most probable cause was a faulty cylinder, the problem was which one was it? The red-clad turtle slid back out for a moment, "I'm guessing you have a diagnostic scanner?"

The olive green turtle looked over to his older brother with shock written all over his face, practically dropping his pizza. He floundered about for a couple of seconds before recovering. "Don't bother. I already used it. All the cylinders check out."

Raphael frowned and slid back under the car. "Did you check the sparkplugs?" He yelled out.

"Yes." Donatello said, moving over to lean against the Shell Raiser and kneeled down so to speak with his brother.

"Fuel injector?"

"Checked it."

"Compression?"

"Checked."

"Did you make sure that the air to fuel ration is balanced?" Raph's question was met with complete silence and the red-banded turtle grinned before pushing himself out from under the car to see the look on his little brother's face. He stood and went over to the counter, using the same rag Donnie had used earlier to wipe the grease off his hands.

Donatello face-palmed. "How could you have thought of that and not me?"

"Geez, Donnie. You can't always be the smart one ya know." Raph smiled. "Every once in a while you gotta let someone else take a turn."

"Yeah, I guess so. I'll get to work on that then. If that doesn't fix it, nothing will."

"Mind if I join you?"

Donatello looked up at his red-clad brother for a moment. Donnie was almost always in his lab working and Raph was the toughest of his brothers. The two of them never really spent much time together unless it was with their brothers. _This might give me a chance to get a little bit closer to Raph. Or as close as he'll let me, anyway. _The purple-masked turtle smiled at his older brother. "Not at all." He pointed to the toolbox.

"Cool, so what do you want me to do?"

_Raph was asking to be told what to do? The world is ending. _"Well take these," Don handed his brother the welder and mask. "You can start by welding the cracks."

"Sure thing."

"Oh, and Raph," the older turtle turned back to his little brother. "Try not to set anything on fire."

Raphael smirked. "No promises."

* * *

Leonardo and Michelangelo were out in the main room watching Super Robo Mecha Force. In the middle of an episode, Mikey turned to look at the lab door before turning back to his older brother. "Hey, Leo."

The leader responded automatically, deep blue eyes never leaving the television. "What is it Mikey?"

"Raph went into Donnie's lab to take him his pizza hours ago and he never came out."

Leo's gaze snapped up as he realized his little brother was right. He reached for the remote and paused the show before getting up and heading towards the lab, Michelangelo following behind him like a puppy. They paused just outside the door when they heard laughter, laughter that wasn't Donatello's. _Raph is still in there? And he's LAUGHING?!_

The ninja brothers stepped silently into the room, both stopping short in the doorway when they saw that Raphael, their scowling hotheaded brother, was openly laughing. They vaguely heard Donnie muttering something before Raphael's laughter died down and was replaced by a snort and a snicker. As soon as Raph saw them his relaxed countenance returned to his customary glare.

"What's going on in here?" Leo asked Raph, who was leaning against the Shell Raiser his arms crossed over his plastron, holding a welder in one hand, the mask lifted, but still on his head.

Both the purple and the red-clad turtles ignored him. Raph put down the equipment and began heading for the door and Donnie spoke up, "Hey Raph." Green eyes looked back at the brainiac. "Thanks for the help."

Raphael grinned. "Anytime, Don."

The orange and blue clad brothers stared shell-shocked as the normally hot-headed turtle left the room without another word.


	3. Chapter 3: Protectors

**Ch. 3-Protectors**

"Hey Leo, have you seen Raph?" asked the orange-clad turtle as he walked into the main room.

"He went out with Casey, Mikey." Leo replied from his spot on the couch.

"Dude, seriously again? That's like the third time this week. Not that I mind Raph blowing off steam with Casey, but I feel like I haven't even seen him in ages."

Leonardo stared at the youngest in confusion. "What are you talking about Mikey? You see Raph every day."

Michelangelo shrugged. "Well yeah, but we haven't been doing any of the stuff we used to do together you know? Nowadays Raph's way too tired all the time."

Leo just gave his little brother a questioning glance. "Think about it Leo. Raph does daily training with us, plus his daily workout, then nighttime patrol with us and nighttime patrol with Casey. He's exhausted dude. He's been working himself too hard, for too long. Now as soon as he gets home he just falls right into his bed and falls asleep. Doesn't even take his gear off or anything." Michelangelo's bright blue eyes shone with concern. "I don't want to muscle in on his time with Casey, because their best friends, you know. But at the same time I hate seeing Raph like this."

The blue-masked turtle stared at his little brother with astonishment; _Mikey can be so insightful sometimes, _he thought before giving his little brother a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it, Mikey. Raph knows his limits; he can take care of himself. You know how he is, he'll spend a week playing vigilante with Casey and get whatever he needs out of his system and then he'll be fine. You'll see."

There was a short silence before Mikey turned back to his eldest brother, "Ever wonder what they do up there all night?"

"All the time." Leo stated clearly enunciating each word.

The youngest turtle nodded in agreement. "Me too."

* * *

Raph and Casey jumped across the rooftops to the spot that they had affectionately dubbed 'the rest stop' situated on the roof of an old apartment building. The two teenagers lay on their backs and stared up at the stars. They had found nothing out on patrol tonight, so they opted to come here.

"Dude, it's almost eleven thirty, shouldn't you be getting back to the lair?" Casey asked, turning his head towards his friend.

"Naw, it doesn't matter. They're probably having a great time without me there anyway. Donnie's always complainin' about how I'm too loud and he needs his quiet time."

"But I thought you're supposed to be home by twelve."

"Since when do I operate by Fearless' standards. I'll stay out as long as I want, end of story." Casey went quiet for a moment and the friends sat in silence. Finally Raph turned to his friend and gave him what Casey Jones had internally dubbed 'the face.' It was the face Raphael always made when he was about to get something off his chest. "Hey Case," the human turned to his friend who had his gaze locked on the sky above them. "You ever wonder what we're here for?"

The dark-haired teen stared at his friend with surprise and confusion. _Well, that's definitely not what I was expecting. _Raphael ignored his friend's silence and continued. "I mean, I know that Earth needs us and we saved the world and all, but is that all that we'll ever be good for? Saving the planet?"

"Of course not, Raph." The turtle met his gaze silently imploring him to elaborate. "See, the way I see is that we're the protectors. We'll protect this planet, this city and its people because it's in our blood, in our hearts, because it's what we live for. And we'll always be here for them, through thick and thin, for the ones that need us."

Raphael remained silent a long while, turning back to the sky above them as he internalized everything his friend had said. The two of them lay on the rooftop in quiet contemplation, staring at the stars until Raph broke the silence once more. "Hey Case?"

"Yeah?"

"What time is it?"

Casey Jones pulled out his phone to check. "11:45."

"Awesome, just enough time to make it home." The turtle jumped up and headed to the end of the rooftop. "Later!" he called out as he jumped to the next roof over.

"Later man!" Casey yelled back. _For a hard-headed turtle Raph sure can be deep when he wants to be._ He thought, replaying the night's conversation in his head.

* * *

Raphael stepped as quietly as he could into the lair, resisting the urge to face-palm when Leo immediately looked up from his seat on the couch. "Wow, Raph, you're actually back before curfew."

"Yeah. Was a good run."

"Anything interesting?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Streets are so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Casey and I gave up after the second patrol and just talked."

Leonardo seemed interested in that and he waved his brother over to the couch. "So what'd you talk about."

"I don't know the usual like which one of my brothers is the most annoying-"

"Raph." Leo said sternly.

"Okay okay. We were talking about life. There. You happy now?"

"What about life?" The blue masked turtle leaned toward his brother and canted his head.

Raphael sighed and dropped his shoulders, "We were talking about our purpose."

Leo raised an eye-ridge. "Your purpose."

"Yeah, ya know, like what we're here for, why we're here that sort of thing."

Leo looked at his brother in wonder and shock. _When had Raph become such a profound thinker? Could it be that he'd always been that way, and we never noticed? Perhaps that's why he doesn't like talking to us. He thinks we won't understand why he wonders about these types of things._ "And what was your conclusion?"

The emerald green turtle growled in frustration. "Goddammit Leo! Why do you have to be so nosy?"

Leonardo remained calm and put a hand on his brother's shoulder, which Raph surprisingly didn't shrug off. "You don't have to tell me, Raph. I was just making conversation. Look Raph…about you and Casey," Raph sent Leo a warning glare, "Master Splinter's training plus our training, plus our patrol and Casey…just make sure you're not overworking yourself. Mikey's getting—concerned."

The hot-head's eyes went wide with surprise. _Mikey and concerned? Those two words definitely don't belong in the same sentence. _"I'll talk to him in the morning."

"Good, I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

Raphael got up and headed toward the hall and his bedroom, before pausing at near the end of the couch. "Protectors."

"Huh?" Leo asked, not knowing what Raph was talking about.

"We're the protectors. We'll always be here protecting them as long as we live. Because it's what we live for." Then he added in a quieter tone. "It's what _I_ live for." Raph looked down at the floor and continued down the hall saying, "That was the conclusion."

Leo watched his younger brother in astonishment. Raphael sounded so certain, so determined to live up to what he had deemed his purpose, his place in life. The leader went over his brother's words in his head before nodding. Yes indeed it is. Protecting their family, protecting others; it's what they live for.


	4. Chapter 4: Words he never had to say

**Yay Here it is Chapter four. Sorry it took so long. Please read and review!**

**-Leah by Michelangelo**

**Ch. 4-The words you never had to say**

Leonardo Hamato sat on the couch with tears in his eyes. One button on a detonator. That's all it had taken. One press of that button had taken his little brother away from him.

* * *

It had started out as a normal, everyday nighttime run. We were investigating an old abandoned warehouse down by the docks. Rumor had it that the Foot had been using it as base.

The four of us crawled in silently through the skylight. I crept through the rafters and peered down into the space below. The room was filled with large stacks of crates bearing the foot symbol, and there was what would appear to be a large central computer. _Definitely a Foot hideout_, I thought to myself, _question is: Where are they? Something's not right._

I motioned to my brothers and we jumped down into the warehouse. Donatello headed straight for the computer and began to hack it. I drew one of my Katanas and looked around warily. _This has got to be a trap_. I told myself.

I turned to my immediate younger brother. "This is way too easy." He nodded and I said 'keep watch' with hand signals and he nodded again and moved over to the door.

Donnie was about to download files off the computer to his t-phone when the screen went dark and I got a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach. A loud clanging noise made me look up as all the doors and windows were being blocked off by heavy metal seals sliding down in front of them. _We're being caged in._

"LEO!" Raphael shouted.

I turned to my emerald green brother to see him struggling to hold his own against the giant trap door. Sweat ran down his face as he struggled to keep it up. I ran towards the door and motioned for Mikey and Donnie to follow. I may not know Shredder's reason for trapping us in here, but I'm not going to wait to find out.

Raph was slowly losing his fight to keep the door open. I sent Donnie and Mikey on ahead telling them to fetch the Shell Raiser. The two of them ducked under and left the building as fast as they could.

That was when all shell broke loose. Raphael's muscles couldn't take the abuse and the door slipped, the muscular turtle giving everything he had to catch and hold it at waist level. "What the shell are you waiting for Leo? Go!" He yelled urgently. I crawled under to the other side and took hold, trying to help lift it for my brother, but it was still slipping. Raph's strength was giving out and I wasn't strong enough to lift it myself. "I can't do it, Leo. I can't hold this thing up any longer!" Raphael's voice growled out, his breathing growing shaky and uneven.

"Hang in there Raph, if I can just get a better grip…" I stated, my voice wavering when I tried, and failed to lift the door a little higher.

"No, Leo. Just go. I'll catch up."

"No! I am not leaving you behind!" I shouted to him as I fought the door in vain, tears forming at the corners of my eyes.

"Sorry, big brother," he paused for a moment and I could hear his silent resolution. _No!_ "But you don't have a choice." My younger brother stated, his voice soft and filled with emotion. Raphael released his grip. The weight became unbearable and the door fell with a sickening thud.

I stared at it for a moment, tears rolling down my cheeks. I turned and ran the rest of the way out of the building into a nearby alley where the Shell Raiser was waiting. I jumped in, landing with a thud, making Mikey and Donnie jump. "Donnie! Raph's been trapped in the building we've got to get him out!" My younger brothers stared at me wide-eyed and fearful.

Donatello must have seen the desperation in my eyes and he nodded. All of a sudden we heard the sound of an explosion and the ground shook as my heart dropped to my stomach. The three of us exchanged glances and practically flew to the monitor screens. My heart stopped. There on the screen, the building where my little brother was trapped was no more than a burning pile of rubble. _No…_

* * *

I stared from the screen to my older brothers, then back at the screen again. _No! This couldn't be happening! Raph couldn't be…_ Tears formed and within moments I was crying like a baby.

I looked to my eldest brother for comfort and Leo wrapped me in a hug. "Don't give up Mikey. I'm going to search the wreckage." I would have assumed that Leo was just offering words of comfort, but something in my big brother's tone gave me a tiny shred of hope.

My blue-masked brother pulled away and left Donnie and I in the Shell Raiser.

* * *

I had been poking about in the wreckage calling my brother's name. This warehouse was so out of the way that the incident probably won't be reported until morning giving me plenty of time to search. I couldn't think of any way that Raph could have survived, by I can't give up until I've eliminated all doubt.

_Wait…what was-?_ A flash of red caught my eye and I crouched down, trying to ignore the terror that was growing in my stomach as I pulled away the pieces of concrete and rubble to get at it.

I recoiled with a gasp as tears clouded my eyes. Raphael's sai was slightly bent and charred practically beyond recognition. But that wasn't all. My brother's bright red mask was tied securely around the handle.

_He knew. He knew he was going to die so he did this._ What little remained of the hope in my heart was snatched away by grief and I collapsed to my knees, taking my brother's final message in my hands. I carefully untied the slightly charred mask and gripped it in one hand, pressing it against my face. "Farewell, Ototo." I whispered, barely audible.

* * *

More tears rolled down his face as he re-lived the events of the night for the umpteenth time. His purple-clad brother had fallen asleep beside him on the couch, clinging to him for comfort. The blue-clad turtle looked up as the youngest of his brothers came towards him with tears in his eyes. Leo opened his arms and Michelangelo snuggled up opposite Donatello, sniffling. "I-I miss him so much, Leo."

The eldest rubbed the younger turtle's shell comfortingly. "We all do Mikey. Master Splinter says that sacrifice is the ultimate act of love. Raphael died for us Michelangelo. He sacrificed himself because he loved us. We must honor his sacrifice by pushing through this."

"Actions speak louder than words." Donnie whispered as he straightened, having heard the entire conversation. Leo looked up at him in confusion and he explained. "One time Raph and I were playing this game where we had to think of a phrase to describe ourselves. That's what Raph chose. I never realized how true it was until now."

Leo absorbed the information and nodded. "Yeah. He hardly ever said he loved us-"

"But he didn't have to." Michelangelo finished for him. "Raph could leave the words unsaid because his actions did all the talking. Like the time he comforted me after Chris Bradford turned out to be an enemy, or the time he flipped out when I knocked out by Snakeweed. And that time when we thought you went down with the Krang ship and he said he would have treated you better. And how he chose us over Slash and lost his best friend. He never had to say that he loved us, because we already knew."

"Doesn't mean I can't say that I love you guys." A familiar voice echoed from the entrance of the Lair.

* * *

The three brothers jumped off the couch and stared. Mikey was the first to run over and embrace his brother hesitantly, as though he feared that Raphael would disappear at the slightest touch. Raph chuckled and pulled his little brother into a strong hug as Michelangelo burst into tears. "We thought you were dead!" the youngest wailed.

"So did I, little brother, so did I." Raph said softly as he rubbed the younger turtle's shell. Leo and Donnie finally recovered from their shell-shocked state enough to approach their supposedly dead brother in much the same way as Mikey, before all three smothered him in a giant group hug. It seemed like hours before they finally pulled away with relieved smiles and tears of joy at having their brother back.

"But how-how did you?" Leo stuttered out, still in a state of awe.

"There was a safe, combination lock, a little bit larger than the other crates. Old fashioned, you know, the kind used to store valuable materials. I crawled in at the last second and, amazingly, I fit. Sometimes it's good to be a short turtle." He said with a shrug and a small smile that his brothers returned.

At that moment the doors to the dojo slid open and Master Splinter stepped into the room, his gaze lowered, looking grieved, not to mention ten years older. "My sons, I know that it has been a terrible night, but the three of you must get some sleep." He finally looked up and stared in shock.

All four of his sons stood before him, including Raphael who was missing his facemask. The man-turned-rat, rushed to his second son and yanked him into a fond embrace. He could not stop the tears from leaving his eyes as he held his child close. The turtles stared at him in wonder and surprise for they had never before seen their father cry. "Raphael, my son, my son…"

The other three brothers watched with smiles on their faces before Raph reached over and pulled Leo into the hug and motioned for the others to do the same. The four turtles and their father cherished this moment of joy in their hearts, relying on their love to keep them strong.

* * *

***Sniffle* I just love happy endings!**


	5. Chapter 5: In the eyes of a child

**Ch. 5: In the eyes of a child**

I was in the dojo, trying to prepare my mind for my daily meditation. Normally I am very focused and alert, but today is just one of those days. My sons recently passed their sixth mutation day and it has been very difficult to keep up with them. I never realized how much work raising children was, especially mutant children. Sometimes I think that their mutant form has given them even more energy than normal toddlers. My eyes opened as I completely lost my focus. My gaze fell to the framed portrait in the cabinet. I could feel my chest tightening in pain. I stood, lifting the frame gently from its place on the shelf, I brushed my fingers over the image, lingering for a moment on my beloved Tang Shen and my baby daughter, Miwa.

"You miss them don't you?" A little voice said from behind me.

On any other day I would have sensed his presence, I would have heard him enter the room, but as I said, today was just one of those days. I jumped, whirled around and reprimanded him immediately, my voice coming out much louder and harsher than I had originally intended. "Raphael! How many times have I told you not to interrupt my meditation time?"

My red-masked son cringed, small tears forming in his eyes. My face softened and I bent down so that I could be at his eye-level. "S-Sensei?"

"Yes, my son?" I prompted, waiting for Raphael to say what he wanted to say. I no longer blamed him for interrupting my meditation. I hadn't been successful anyway. I was now convinced that whatever the reason for Raphael's presence it must be important. Raphael understood just as well as the others that Sensei's meditation time was not to be disturbed.

The little emerald green turtle twirled his bandana tails nervously out of habit, as I had seen him do only once or twice before when something made him uncomfortable. "C-can I see it?" he said gesturing at the picture in my hand.

"Be very careful, my son." And he was. His little hands gripped the frame gently and he stared into the picture for a moment before speaking again.

"Father, are they…" his voice faded away.

"Are they what, my son?"

"Are they….dead?"

My eyes widened and I stared at him contemplatively for a moment before answering. "Yes, Raphael. They are dead."

"Father?"

"Yes, my son?" bright green eyes stared up at me, sparkling with curiosity and innocence. He held the painting up at me and I took it gently from his hands.

"What is death?" Silence filled the room and I stood, turning my back to him as I returned the picture lovingly to its place on the shelf. Raphael went on haltingly, "Leo says that it's the end, a point of no return. He says that it's like the end of a video game, except that when someone dies for real they can never use extra lives to return again."

"Leonardo is still young, as are you, Raphael. That may be what your brother has chosen to believe, but that does not mean that you will interpret it in the same fashion." The little green eyes looked up into mine, Raphael's head canted in confusion. I went on. "Not everyone sees death as an end, my son. Some choose to see it as a beginning."

Raphael looked even more confused than before. "But Sensei, if it's an end then how can it be a beginning?"

"It is very difficult to explain, my son and even more difficult to understand, especially at your age. One day, when you're much older you will understand." I put a hand on his head. He still looked confused, but he nodded and I could see the vast sea of emotion swirling in his eyes. Raphael is by far the most emotional of the four of them.

"Father?"

"Yes, Raphael?"

"Do you think that if—never mind."

"No, go ahead, my son. You know you can ask me anything." Again his eyes met mine, searching my face for reassurance. I bent down and put a hand on his shoulder.

Raphael locked gazes with me as he whispered. "You said that the outside world will never understand us. That they won't accept us?"

"Yes."

"Well…do you think that if Mother were here…do you think she'd accept us?"

I looked into my second son's beautiful bright green eyes and saw them water, just a little. All of my sons have been affected by their inability to be a part of the human world. _Raphael especially_. His little heart has always longed for acceptance. The little turtle's inability to belong has also given him a slight inferiority complex. He attempts to look tough because he doesn't want anyone to see the side that he has deemed weak. I could see practically every emotion known to man…or mutant in those little green eyes. I gave him a small smile and put my arms around him, pulling him into my chest. For once my temperamental son accepted the hug readily and without hesitation and I savored the moment. I pulled away slightly so that I could see his face. "She would love you very much, Raphael."

"Really?"

"Yes." The little red banded turtle buried his face in my shoulder and I chuckled, sweeping the six-year old up into my arms. Raphael clasped his hands behind my head and snuggled into my neck with a smile on his face.

_I'm going to miss this when they get older…_

* * *

Raphael lay plastron up on a rooftop staring up at the stars. New York was quiet tonight, and Casey had gone on a date with April. In short, not much left to do but enjoy the night. The air was cool and crisp. The red-masked turtle had been laying here for quite a while now, thinking about that talk in the dojo with Master Splinter when he was six. He carefully remembered what Sensei'd said and contemplated his father's words. Finally, after a couple hours of thinking, he'd finally had a breakthrough._ I think…I understand._

* * *

All eyes flew to the door of the lair as my brothers and I cleaned up the empty pizza boxes from dinner a couple hours earlier. I watched Raph come in, and raised an eye-ridge. He looked focused. Had he been…meditating? Perish the thought. My immediate younger brother stared at Master Splinter, who was seated on the couch, eating a cheesicle. "Father."

Don, Mikey and I looked at each other nervously. Raph hadn't called Sensei Father in ages.

"Yes, Raphael?"

"Can I talk to you?" Raph glanced at us "In private?"

Master Splinter finished the last bit of his cheesicle and put the stick down on the table, "Of course my son." He moved towards the dojo, and Raphael trailed close behind.

The three of us looked at each other again, before running silently to the dojo, crowding around the door so that we could hear. I knew that we really shouldn't be doing it, of course, but Raph's never done anything like this before. And I had to admit, my curiosity was peaked.

"What is it, my son? You seem rather calm today. Is there something wrong?"

"No Sensei, I just—do you remember ten years ago we had that talk about death?"

Splinter looked down at his son for a moment, one eyebrow raised and a hand stoking his beard as he slowly nodded.

"Well, you told me that someday, when I was older, that I'd understand. Well, I think I finally do."

"Oh?"

"Hai, Sensei. Death isn't only an end. It can also be a beginning, but also a gate to eternity. By remembering what we've lost we become aware of all the lives that have been touched by the individual. Remembrance is a legacy that the dead leave behind in the lives of the living. People move on, things may change, but the dead will never truly die as long as they have made their mark on the lives of others. Everyone dies, and everyone leaves their own mark the world. Death isn't an end. It's a new beginning. You never know what you have until its gone, that's how the saying goes. Once someone is gone, their loved ones see life in a whole different light. Death doesn't only end life, it creates it. It's the way things are."

The rat looked down into his son's bright, green eyes and nodded. "I see you have formed your own belief."

"Hai Sensei."

The three of us watched through the crack in the dojo doors, practically sitting on top of each other. I listened to the discussion with fascination. And I'd thought Raph's revelation on our purpose had been deep… Wow. This was taking it to a whole new level. Raphael began heading for the doors and I was about to tell Donnie and Mikey to move when the emerald-green turtle turned back to Sensei.

"Father?"

"Yes my son?" I heard Master Splinter answer. I strained my ear.

"I think she'd be proud of you, for everything that you've done for us."

For a split second I swear I saw a tear sliding down Master Splinter's cheek. The human-turned-rat pulled my younger brother into his arms, tucking Raphael's chin beneath his head. "Your mother would be so proud of you all, my son."


	6. Chapter 6: I Need you

**Ch. 6-I need you**

Leo and I have always been close. Let's just say that we understand each other, and despite what some people might think, I don't hate his guts. Even if I am sorely tempted to beat the crud out of him sometimes. But that doesn't mean we're not close. Quite the contrary: when we were little, we were best friends, even closer than Donnie and Mikey, and they do everything together, even now. Leo and I formed a bond all those years ago, that despite everything that's happened has never truly disappeared. Even if it has become a little strained, okay, if I'm being honest with myself, really strained. I can still remember all those years ago when we claimed we'd be best friends forever…But that was eight years ago, and now...

* * *

It was a normal day at the lair. Training was finished and the turtles were lounging about in the lair. April and Casey w ere coming down to hang with the guys a bit before evening patrol. Mikey was playing video games and Donnie was doing something-or-other in his lab. Raph was stretched out on the couch with his face in a comic and Leo was leaning up against one of the arcade machines polishing his katanas when the human arrived. The blue masked turtle glanced over at the dark-haired teenager and waved before continuing with his polishing. The purple clad turtle appeared in a flash and began telling April about his latest invention.

Raphael jumped up and over the couch. Casey rushed to meet him and the two best buds fist bumped. Casey Jones decided that he wanted to wrestle and he immediately tacked the stocky turtle to the ground, which is a feat in itself considering how much all that shell weighed, not to mention the extra muscle. The human may have begun the wrestling match, but within thirty seconds the turtle had pinned him to the ground. "Stop it you idiot. I didn't call ya here to wrestle."

"I don't think you called him here at all Raph."

"Shut up Mikey." The orange-clad turtle threw up his hands in surrender and turned back to the video game.

The human teenager strolled over to Raph and leanded an elbow on his shoulder with interest. "So, what did you have planned?"

"I hope it isn't anything that'll involve you two coming back at two in the morning and needing extensive bandages." April said, crossing her arms over her chest dramatically.

"Nuh-uh." Raph said emphatically. "Today I'm teaching you," he pointed at his human friend, "how to play tig." All the turtles turned their eyes towards their brother and silence filled the air as Raphael dragged Casey Jones out towards the sewer tunnels.

It wasn't until after both of them had gone that April looked from Donnie to Mikey, who both had their jaws dropped with gob smacked looks on their faces. "Uh, guys?"

The two turtles closed their mouths, still looking a little bit shell-shocked. Feeling like she wasn't getting anywhere with the younger brothers the red head turned to Leonardo and asked. "What is tig?"

Leo's eyes narrowed and he sheathed his swords, even though he still hadn't finished polishing them and walked past them, completely ignoring April's question as he disappeared into the dojo. The human teenager watched as the younger turtles' eyes followed their older brother as he left. "Guys…what is tig?" She repeated, a little more quietly this time.

The youngest stood up from his spot on the floor, staring at her with a sad flare in his usually bright blue eyes. "Tig was a game that Raph and Leo used to play when they were younger. They made it up themselves. Even we didn't know how to play it. They used to say that we couldn't learn how to play it because it was their special game and no one else was allowed to learn it but them. Seems that Raph's changed that rule. It was Raph and Leo's favorite thing to do before…" The orange clad turtle rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Before what?"

"You see, when we were little, Raph and Leo used to be really close. Even closer than me and D—" Mikey paused and she could tell that he was getting slightly uncomfortable. He looked at Donatello who finished for him.

"When we turned eight years old, Raph and Leo split up. They just stopped being best friends. We…don't really know what happened, but it must have been a fight of some kind. After that, things changed. Raph became more temperamental. I mean, he'd always had a temper, but after he and Leo stopped being friends he became volatile, and his outbursts were more frequent. Since then the two of them have always fought like cats and dogs. They're still friends and all, but nothing like what they used to be."

April frowned and stared at the dojo doors where the blue clad turtle had disappeared and silence spread between them, as the brothers followed her gaze. _Leo…_

* * *

Later that night after patrol, Raph stopped by the dojo. April, Casey, Donny and Mikey had gone to get the pizza for tonight's movie night. And Leo was still in the dojo training. Raph frowned. He had gone into the dojo and interrupted Leo's meditation, which of course had earned him an angry retort, a curse and a glare. That's it. Raphael Hamato had taken all that he was going to take. For eight years he'd been continuously dismissed and ignored by his older brother and he had finally had enough.

"Sometimes I wonder why I bother." Raph said softly with fire burning in his bright green eyes. "It's always me isn't it? Even when I'm only trying to help you, it's my fault that you're not good enough. I'm the one holding everyone back."

"Don't start this again, Raphael." Leonardo growled warningly.

"I'm not." The red-masked turtle stated, with a level-headedness that made Leo do a doublt-take. Raph backing down from a fight? Something's up. "I'm finishing it." The blue-clad turtle turned around and stared at his younger brother. There was something in the stoic expression on Raphael's face that made him even angrier. _Raph's supposed to be angry one!_

"You're always putting us at risk, getting us into trouble. Don't you realize that there are things in this world that are more important than you."

"Don't worry, Leo. After tonight, I won't be a problem anymore."

"Don't give me that crap Raph! You always say things like that, try and make me feel bad, claiming that you're going to leave, that you'd be better off without us! So just go! Go ahead and leave and see how much we care! We don't need you! We'll be just fine!" The anger burned inside the eldest turtle as he spoke. His deep blue eyes searched his brother's face for some kind of emotion, something. But instead the neon green eyes stared straight into his, completely unfazed, his face a mask of neutrality. _When had Raph gotten so good at hiding his emotions?_

"If that's what you want." He said, his voice level, betraying nothing as he contained the raging storm of emotion that was brewing deep inside of him. "Goodbye Leo." The red-banded turtle turned and left the dojo without looking back.

The eldest turtle took a couple deep breaths, calming slightly. He sat down and crossed his legs, trying to meditate. A few hours later and the turtle was still in the same position on the tatami mats. Three hours and the only thing he could think about was what he'd said to Raph. Guilt and regret ate away at his heart and he sighed.

_I went too far tonight. Way too far. I thought back to that day, eight years ago. The day our friendship died…_

* * *

It had been a long day of training. It was free time now and I knew that Raphael was probably looking for me, but I continued with my katas, knowing that my younger brother would find me eventually.

"Leo." _Or now_, I thought.

"What is it Raph?"

"Do you wanna go exploring with me?" the young emerald green turtle said excitedly.

"No, Raph, I'm practicing." I said, but it came out a little harsher than intended and Raph deflated, a short silence spreading between us before Raph spoke.

"Leo?"

"Yeah Raph?" I answered as I continued my kata.

"Did I do something wrong?" he whispered.

I stopped and canted my head at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, every time I try and play with you, you tell me that you're busy, or you have something else to do…" I looked away from him, but he kept staring at me.

"Master Splinter says that the only way to become a great warrior is through practice and training. I don't have time for games, anymore Raph."

"We're still best friends, though, right?" I said nothing and his eyes widened. "Right?"

"I'm sorry, Raph." I said, keeping my gaze locked on the floor. "But becoming a great warrior is more important—"

I heard a choking sound and I looked up. My jaw dropped as I saw the sheer amount of pain and horror on my younger brother's face. "More important than your best friend, Leo? More important than your own brother?" I couldn't meet his gaze, so I stared at the floor beneath my feet. I flicked my gaze up just in time to see him close his eyes, small tears running down the side of his face. "Fine. I see how it is." And then he was gone.

* * *

That was the last time I had seen Raphael cry. He had cried that day, and never again. I felt bad that I'd hurt his feelings, but at the time, I thought it had been for the best. I'd never become a great warrior if I let myself get side-tracked. I never could have known how wrong I'd been. Without Raph's friendship I became so immersed in my training that I practically forgot about everything else. But now that I look back, even though I had technically ended our friendship, Raph had always been there for me.

Our constant fights would usually end with one of us storming off to their room and the other to the kitchen. Most of the time, I would head for the kitchen as soon as I realized I hadn't eaten all day because I'd been too busy training. I wonder, now, if Raph did that on purpose. He probably did. He always knew how I'd react to things, that's why he can always find a way to rile me up. All these years Raph has been my rock. And even after all the fights, and the curses that flew between us, that old pledge, the bond that we'd developed in our youth kept us connected. And he always came back, not matter how long the fight, or what kinds of horrible things we'd said to each other, we always reconciled.

But in the last few months, things have changed. I realized. I watched Raph and Casey fast-growing friendship and it bothered me. Especially in the beginning. I watched as my younger brother let down all the emotional walls he'd surrounded himself with after our friendship ended and for a moment, I saw the Raphael I used to know all those years ago. Today's episode with teaching Casey tig only confirmed what I already knew. Now that he had Casey, Raph didn't need me as a friend anymore. He'd abandoned me, just as I'd done to him eight years ago. I know that I deserve it. After the way I hurt my younger brother, I'm surprised he stayed as long as he did. But now that he has someone else to lean on, I'm beginning to wonder if he'll ever return.

_No. No he won't. Not after what you said to him._ A voice in the back of my head whispered. _You told him you didn't need him, that you didn't want him. That was all the confirmation he needed. That was why he came in. He wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing before he left. He believed he wasn't needed. He was just looking for confirmation. And you gave it to him. Word for word._

_No!_ I thought, _No, it can't be true, Raph will come back, he always comes back!_

_Not this time. _It answered

_No!_ I jumped up off the dojo floor and tore out of the room, grabbing my Katanas on the way out. There was a heavy feeling in my heart as I ran into my brothers, April and Casey as they returned with the pizza. "Hey Leo. Where you going?" Casey asked. I tried to get around them frantically as they blocked the entrance.

Mikey canted his head at me, "What's up, bro? You look worried."

"It's Raph. 'S Raph." I started hyperventilating and Mikey looked towards Donnie nervously, "We-we had a fight. And he's-he's—" My voice trailed off.

Donnie returned Mikey's nervous glance. "He's what?"

"He's gone. He's gone." I choked out, my eyes tearing up slightly, "He's left and it's all my fault."

"Dude, chill, Leo. Raph's done this before, remember? He'll come back, don't worry about it. Just give him some time."

I shook my head from side to side emphatically, the tears stinging my eyes. "Not this time…not this time."

Michelangelo looked alarmed and filled with worry, "Why not?"

"Because I told him…I," sniff, "told him…"

"What did you tell him, Leo?" Donnie asked, his dark brown eyes narrowed in nervous apprehension.

"I told him…we didn't need him." I saw everyone's eyes widen and I lowered my gaze. "And that we wouldn't care if he left."

There was total silence for a few minutes, before I looked up again. The first thing I saw was Donatello looking down at me. "Leo," he began calmly, "HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO YOUR OWN BROTHER? YOU MEEN SO MUCH TO HIM! RAPH MIGHT GET MAD AND LOSE CONTROL OVER WHAT HE SAYS BUT HE WOULD NEVER SAY THAT! TO ANY OF US! HOW-HOW COULD YOU?" he screamed and I flinched.

April put a hand on Don's shoulder, "That's not important right now, Don. What matters is that we go out there and find him, for all we know he could have left the city by now."

"No." We all stared at Casey. "Raph may have left home, but he'd never leave New York. This place is his home. He can't survive anywhere but here."

"That's what I'm worried about." Donnie stated.

The dark-haired teenager sighed. "Look just give me a couple of hours, okay? I know where he is. I'll talk to him."

"You say you know where he is?" April asked.

"Yeah." The boy rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm his best friend, I kinda know how he thinks. Give me an hour or two to talk to him, I'll try and talk him around."

"No." All eyes flew to me. "I'm the one who started this fight. I have to be the one that resolves it."

"So that you can hurt him more? I don't think so, Leo. It's because of you that he ran off in the first place, something tells me he won't want to talk to you." Donnie asked with venom in his voice. "Why do you have to resolve the conflict? What difference does it make who started it? Why is it so important to you?"

"Because he was my best friend and I let him down. Because it's the same conflict that split us apart eight years ago!" My deep blue eyes flashed up to meet the braniac's, glowing in earnest.

"Fine." The genius stepped aside and allowed me to pass.

Iheaded for the entrance to the lair and Casey called after him. "You want me to tell you where he is?"

"No. He's my brother. And he was once my best friend too." I stated as I left the lair without looking back.

* * *

Once he was topside, Leonardo headed straight for the warehouse district, if there was anywhere his brother would flee to as a hideout, it had to be there. He surveyed the area, and his eyes landed on one of the warehouses, slightly smaller than the rest, easier to guard, with multiple escape options, yet still defendable. That had to be it. He stealthily crept to the door, and it opened with a slight squeak.

"What do ya want, Casey?" Raph's familiar voice traveled towards him through the darkness, but it sounded different now. It was filled with pain and sadness. The eldest turtle's heart sank with guilt, pain and regret.

"I'm not Casey."

The lights in the building flashed on and the blue clad turtle winced. "What do you want?" Raph growled dangerously.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"I'm done talking, Leo. I found out all I need to know."

"No you didn't. You don't have to talk, but I need you to listen."

"Why should I?"

I stared at him for a moment, actually considering the question before answering slowly. "Because you're my brother. Because you've always stood by me, you've always been there for me and I've never done anything to deserve it. I have no right to ask you to hear me out, especially after everything I said, but…I just want you to know the truth. And I feel you have a right to know it. I'm going to tell you, whether you listen or not is your choice. I can't ask for anything more than that." Leo waited for something to happen. He waited for his brother to start cursing, or criticizing him, or heck, even just walk away. But Rapphael did nothing. He just stood there staring at the ground.

"You wanna talk, talk."

"Thank you." He grunted. And Leonardo began. "Raphael, eight years ago, I was scared. I-I thought that I wasn't good enough. I was afraid that if I didn't become a great warrior, then I wouldn't be able to take care of you, to watch out for you. I—didn't want to see you get hurt. I was afraid that if I allowed our friendship to take too much time away from my training that I wouldn't be able to protect you. It was stupid, I know. I can't tell you how many times I've wished we could go back to the way we were. You were the best friend in the world, Raphael." I whispered quieter, "You still are."

I looked up at him, and saw that he had taken a seat on the ground, his eyes closed as he listened, if he was listening, which I knew he was. "Raph, losing your friendship—breaking up our friendship was the worst mistake I ever made. And despite everything I said earlier, I need you. Without you, I just can't function. You've always been an anchor, a rock, you keep me sane, help me release all my frustration, and make sure that I take of myself. I don't know how I've never realized until now all of the things that you've been doing for me. I'm sorry I never noticed. If you do choose to leave, I just wanted to tell you, that you'll always be welcome, you don't have to huddle on the sidlines like an outcast. If you want independence I won't take it from you. Just promise me that you'll visit every once in a while. And if you ever need any help or anything, just call. I'll be there I promise. I'm won't let you down again. I swear it. I love you, little brother…Take care of yourself. And…you'll always be my best friend. No matter what." I turned to leave when a hand caught my shoulder. I turned back around and stared at my younger brother's face. He had tears in his eyes

"Leo…" When his eyes met mine and the tears burst, trailing down his cheeks with that single word. "Leo." My younger brother pulled me into a hug, which I immediately returned.

"Raph, I'm-"

"Don't Leo. Don't say it." He whispered as we stood there, hugging each other for the first time in eight years, not as brothers, but as best friends.


	7. Feeling Unloved

**Not sure whether this should be a one-shot or have a follow-up chapter. Please read and help me decide! Sorry it's been so long since I updated this, but I hadn't had any good ideas lately...anyway enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Ch. 7-Feeling Unloved**

Little Raphael sat on a high stool pulled up close to the kitchen counter. He lay his head down on his arms sobbing quietly.

A few moments later a concerned father stepped soundlessly into the room, staring thoughtfully at his son's small form, a hand rubbing gently at his whiskers. "Raphael."

The little one jumped before sitting up to wipe his tears and glare impassively at the old rat. "Seriously, can't you knock?"

Splinter ignored the jibe, knowing Raphael was making a pointed attempt to cloud the issue at hand. "Why don't you play with your brothers, Raphael?"

The turtle shrugged, "It's not like I wouldn't if they asked me."

"But why do you wait for them to ask? Why not just join them?"

"Because it hurts." Splinter raised an eyebrow at that, prompting Raph to continue. "Every time i ask them if I can go along...there's a really bad silence that spreads between them. It's obvious that they don't want me there, so why should I go with them, I'd only ruin whatever fun they were gonna have planned."

"You do not know that, my son. They must have some reason for their behavior."

"Yeah Sensei, they say I'm no fun to play with and I hurt them."

"Then you have learned your lesson."

"Yeah, I know...but I've been trying to be better. I've been trying to control my anger, but I just can't help it. I get mad. And they hate me for it."

"Your brothers do not hate you, my son."

"Well they sure don't like me." Raphael muttered.

Splinter glanced at his son sadly, knowing that his second-oldest son was as stubborn as they came and he would be unable to convince the young turtle otherwise.

"I know they wish I didn't exist. I guess I keep hoping that maybe, if they give me a chance, they'll see that I'm trying my best."

The fatherly rat sighed. "Would you like me to speak with them, my son?"

The fear that surfaced in Raphael's bright green eyes immediately made Splinter eye him warily. _What was there for his son to be afraid of?_

"No Sensei. Then they'd feel like they have to play with me and I don't want them doing it just because they feel bad."

"Raphael..." Splinter began, but his son cut him off.

"It's no use Sensei. There's no way around it. They're going to hate me anyway. I mean, I guess I shouldn't expect them to come ask me to play. They give me no more than I deserve. I'm sorry I can't be better, Father. I've been trying my hardest, but I just can't compare. Everyone knows Leo's the perfect one."

The old rat glanced down at his child with stern eyes. "Leonardo is far from perfect my son."

Raphael only looked down and whispered, "He's better than me."

"Do you truly believe that, Raphael?" The father asked, his gaze serious and strict.

"Yes." The little one answered, his gaze still riveted to the floor.

"Then he is better than you." The tears that had steadily been collecting in the young turtle's eyes rushed down his face in rivulets at his father's words and all he wanted to do was go off in a corner and die. Immediately Splinter sensed his child's desperation and distress, and he hurried to explain, "As long as you allow yourself to believe it, it will always be the truth. No one of the four of you is better than another, believe me when I say that my son. I love you just as much as I do each of your brothers."

Green eyes fell to the floor once more. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough father."

Splinter stared at his son, unsure how to deal with the situation, and decided it would be best to let his emotions guide him considering he was currently dealing with unquestionably the most emotional of his sons. "Oh Raphael, you do not seem to understand. You cannot keep blaming yourself for everything that occurs. Your brothers all have their faults as well. You are not the only one who struggles. And you are good Raphael. You are a good boy. Your exterior may seem rough, but you have a heart of gold. This family needs you as much as it needs your brothers and myself. But above all, don't ever forget that I love you, my son. And as long as I am here you will never, ever, be alone, you understand?"

Fresh tears spilled out of his eyes as he looked up at his rodent father with a small smile. "I love you too Daddy!" He jumped into his father's arms, Splinter's instincts kicking in true to form as he caught the young turtle and pulled him to his chest.

"I love you so much. My son. My little Raphael." The mutant rat smiled, tears rolling down his face as he held his child close and vowed never to forget this moment.

* * *

Master Splinter opened his eyes from his meditation, tears rolling down his snout. His hotheaded son had been received a potentially fatal wound in the turtles' latest scuffle with Shredder and was now at death's door. Memories had been revisiting him in his meditation since his sons returned with their injured brother in their arms.

Leonardo and Michelangelo were in the main room, waiting, and the old rat was currently in the dojo. He entered the main room slowly after he decided there was no use with further meditation. Leonardo was sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees, head bowed low. Michelangelo had a frown creased into his face and he sat next to the arcade machine, in Raphael's customary post-battle brooding position, his baby-blue eyes never straying too far from the lab door.

Splinter sat down beside his eldest son and stared straight ahead, memories of his second oldest relentlessly plaguing his mind. Master Splinter found that he would no longer be able to hold back the tears. As they rolled down his face his sons stared in shock. Finally Leo asked, "What are you thinking about Sensei?"

"Your brother, my son. I don't suppose you are in the mood for a story?" The rat asked, glancing over at the eldest of his sons, tiredly.

Leo looked torn for a moment before he nodded his head.

"When the four of you were about eight years old, you, Donatello, and Michelangelo went out to play and you left Raphael here."

"I remember that. We saw Raph right as we were leaving. I told him we'd see him later and he looked kinda...hurt. I wanted to apologize later but he wouldn't let me in his room."

"Yes indeed, your brother was very upset. I ,too, saw what had occurred and I followed your brother to the kitchen. He was crying quite hard by that time."

Leo looked up, shocked, "He was that upset?"

"Yes. You see, my son, when I found him in the kitchen he confessed to me that he had been feeling left out for quite some time."

"Why didn't he say anything?!" Leonardo asked, jumping up from his seat and staring down at his father in shock.

"Because he didn't feel that he deserved any more than you had given him my son. He blamed himself. In fact, he was quite convinced that you hated him. He apologized to me for not being good enough. He claimed that you were better than him, and his belief in that fact was astounding."

Leonardo looked pained at the knowledge, and Splinter knew his eldest was blaming himself. The blue-masked turtle asked, "Wait, he thought all of us were better that him?"

"No my son, he claimed that you, in particular, were 'the perfect one' and I informed him that no one is perfect, to which he replied, 'He's better than me.' I told him that if that was his belief, then it would always be so. And he was so upset I was afraid he would never regain his self-esteem."

"I know I've always claimed to be better than him, but I never meant to hurt his feelings."

"You never did, my son. You see, Raphael may occasionally attempt to best you in some things, but he has always acknowledged you as 'better' and he challenges you to try and prove his superiority in any way he can, just to help him achieve peace of mind and a small measure of self-esteem."

"If I'd known how he felt I would have..." Leo paused looking crestfallen, _one of his little brothers had been in pain all this time and he'd never even known it!_ "Master Splinter, why didn't you say anything?" He asked, feeling guilty. While at the same time the fact that his younger brother could die before he could even apologize left him feeling numb with horror.

"Because Raphael begged me not to." By now both Michelangelo and Leonardo were staring at their father as though he'd just told them the apocalypse was upon them.

"If it was hurting him so bad... Why?" The blue-masked turtle asked, his heart clenching in pain.

"Because he feared then you would have been acting only out of pity, or requirement and he felt that would only make you hate him more."

"I would never hate him Sensei. He's my little brother and I love him."

"I know that, my son, but I fear that your brother's behavior, his position as protector of the family and his constant near-death experiences are all a partial result of this psyche. He believes that he, himself, is expendable, therefore he throws himself into the most dangerous situations in order to protect the three of you, and myself of course."

Leonardo went stock still, every muscle in his body tensing up. "You mean…he thinks his death wouldn't hurt us."

"I'm afraid that is exactly what he thinks, my son. I'm certain he is happy here in this life with us, he feels that all three of you are the best brothers he could ever possibly ask for, and I have no doubt his is proud of all of you, yet he does not provide the same courtesy towards himself. His over-emotional and self-depreciating nature will not allow it."

At that precise moment the Lab doors opened and Donatello walked slowly out, looking stressed and exhausted. The conversation ceased and all three of the room's occupants stared up at the second-youngest with worried eyes.

"He'll live."

The father and two other turtles let out a sigh of relief before Leonardo recognized something ominous in his younger brother's words, "You said he'll live. Will he be alright?"

Tension filled the room once more and the Brainiac ran a hand through his bandana tails with a sigh. "Honestly, I'm not sure. He should be…but I almost lost him." Don's voice cracked and Leo and Mikey rushed to his side, staring at him wide eyes. "He stopped breathing. I thought…" Tears filled his eyes and the eldest turtle gripped his shoulders tightly.

"Donnie…" The blue-masked pulled his younger brother in for a hug. "It's okay. You brought him back, you saved his life. It's gonna be okay. Raph's a fighter. He'll be alright."

The purple-clad shook his head back and forth tears now running down his face, "No, no! You don't understand, Leo. While I was pumping his chest, I swear for a moment he just gave up. He wasn't going to live. It was…It was…" Michelangelo pulled Donatello off to the side and Leonardo rushed in to the lab.

What he saw made his heart drop to his stomach. Raphael, his hotheaded little brother, lay motionless on the slab in Donatello's laboratory. He looked horrible. His skin was pale and clammy and his eyes were closed.

If it wasn't for the soft, steady beep of the heart monitor he could have sworn his younger brother was dead. The eldest walked slowly over to the cold, metal table and sat beside it, taking his brother's hand in one of his own. He tried his best not to shiver from the feel of the cool, almost lifeless touch. Leonardo took a deep breath and squeezed Raphael's hand tightly.

"When you make it through this Raph," he paused and cleared his throat, deciding he had to acknowledge the other possibility, "if you make it through this…things are going to be very different, little brother. I promise you that. I love you. You'll never feel unloved, left-out, or unwanted again, I swear it. I can't believe you've been feeling that way for so long and I never noticed, but I will make it up to you. Please come back to us…to me…Raphael. I love you, Sensei loves you. We all do. We always have and we always will. Don't leave us, brother. You're my equal, I need you, Raphael. We need you." He stood up, about to leave, but after a moment, he doubled back and took Raph's had once again, leaning in close to his ear to whisper, "I know I've never told you this, but…I'm so proud of you Raph. How could I not be proud? My little brother is a hero. And ya know…I couldn't ask for a better brother. I love you, Hamato Raphael. Please don't lose this fight, my beloved little brother."

With one last squeeze, Leonardo released Raph's hand, and slowly left the lab.

**So, should I do a follow-up of this chapter, or leave it a One-Shot? What do you think? Please let me know! Thanks for reading!**


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